I'm getting married soon, and that could mean something different to every person I tell that too. I recently discussed with a co-worker about how difficult it is to establish a mutual understanding of what marriage means, so in the spirit of creating a better understanding of what I'll be doing I want to express what marriage means to me, as well as putting forth some general ideas that may be useful to anyone in understanding the concept of marriage.
Often marriage is is equated with lifelong commitment, but I think there's a better way to understand marriage. Marriage is a commitment that goes beyond the couple. It's when two people make a commitment not only to one another but to a third party. The details of who or what that third party is define the greater details of what marriage means to them.
If we marry with a government, it largely means they now have an array of legal rights regarding each other, and that they cannot fully dissolve their relationship without consent returning to a representative of the government. Often the third party will often be God or a church, which introduces a spiritual element into the relationship. This lends important understanding about marriage because it goes beyond being committed to one another.
Yes, many people are committed and plan to spend their whole lives together without ever needing to get married. That's one choice, people can also choose to express this through marriage. I feel that marriage is an option we employ when we feel the need to elevate our relationship above the two (or sometimes more) people in it. Marriage is a declaration that we are not only committing ourselves to another, but to the betterment of our society, our people, or our God.
I'm getting married because I want the benefits granted by government and God. I want to be with my wife for this life and the next. I want to be recognized as one who cares for her and has entwined his life with hers, in finances, health, and the search for spiritual salvation and perfection. I want her to know I won't leave her, and have the guarantee not only of my words but a contract with greater powers to which I will have to go if I ever did. I want to work with her to better ourselves and the world in which we live.
1 comment:
That is a powerful expression of the commitment you are going to make. It reminds me of some quotes by Joseph Campbell. "“Marriage is not a love affair. A love affair is a totally different thing. A marriage is a commitment to that which you are. That person is literally your other half. And you and the other are one. A love affair isn’t that. That is a relationship of pleasure, and when it gets to be unpleasurable , it’s off. But a marriage is a life commitment, and a life commitment means the prime concern of your life. If marriage is not the prime concern, you are not married.” and "Marriage is not a love affair, it’s an ordeal. It is a religious exercise, a sacrament, the grace of participating in another life."
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